


how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

by LuciferCaelestis



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Shiro (Voltron), basically the shiro vlog we never got, plus one private message for keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 07:12:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14159532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciferCaelestis/pseuds/LuciferCaelestis
Summary: The night before their attack on Zarkon's base, Shiro decides to make some videos.Months later after Shiro's disappearance, Keith watches them, feeling the weight of Shiro's loss keenly.





	how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

**Author's Note:**

> i've had this idea for so long i can't believe i finally finished it. also, for maximum feels, listen to saturn by sleeping at last while you read this.

Shiro was frustrated.

He knew after the first hour of lying down in his bed that he wouldn’t be getting any more sleep that night. His body wouldn’t allow him to, and if for some reason he did manage to sleep, he would probably spend it trapped inside his nightmares.

No. Sleep was not an option.

What he really wanted to do was to go to the training deck where he could finally release the energy that had built up under his skin and distract himself from his worries. But he didn’t fancy the thought of getting caught and being dragged back to his room and ordered to sleep like a recalcitrant child.

So he was forced to make do with running through his workout routine in his room, and when the aimless tension got to be too much, he’d pace around his room.

It didn’t help that the workout got so repetitive and instinctual that it was all too easy for his mind to slip back and think about the battle coming tomorrow.

He was about to give up on restraint and just head to the training deck to spar with the training bots just so he wouldn’t have to think about all the ways it could go wrong tomorrow when he noticed a strange object Allura had given him a few weeks ago.

She’d called it a memory storage upload oscillator, mentioning that Coran had built it to record things. It had the appearance of old Altean tech, sleek and shiny with a telltale blue glow. To his surprise, it actually reminded him of a futuristic camera with a tablet attached by a cord. According to Allura, she wanted to record all of them officially for documentation purposes, that it would be a record of them for future Paladins.

She’d allowed him the privilege of going first, but he’d never found the time or inclination to do it before. 

He smiled wryly. It was a hell of a time to record something like that, but it beat wearing himself out so much that he couldn’t even think anymore.

It was almost comforting in a way to know that some part of him would live on, even if he didn’t. 

It was fairly easy to set up, even as he marvelled at the differences between the Altean tech and the few cameras he’d kept back on Earth. Finally, it lit up at his touch, displaying an empty storage space. 

He adjusted the position of the device a few times before he finally felt satisfied. He ran his hand through his hair once to check if it was presentable before clearing his throat and preparing to speak.

***

Keith found Allura’s insistence on seeing him immediately somewhat bewildering. She’d asked for him to meet her privately as soon as he’d come within range of the comms devices even though she knew that he had just gotten back to the castle after a long and arduous flight to search for Shiro.

It must have been important but if he had even a little less self-control he would have been dragging his feet as he walked to the bridge from Red’s hangar.

His brow furrowed when Allura didn’t even chastise him for taking so long, instead waiting patiently for him to gather himself. His worries got worse when she still didn’t speak.

He was even more confused when she turned around to face him but she still couldn’t look him in the eye.

He’d missed it over the comms, but now that they were in the same room, there was a certain tension in the air.

“Allura, are you alright?” he asked. He couldn’t think of anything that could have happened while he was gone that would make her react like this. He froze when he realised one possibility.

Had he left them vulnerable to an attack, leaving them down by  _ two _ lions while he was busy in another galaxy, looking for any traces of Shiro? Was she upset with him for that?

“Was there an attack? Did something happen while I was gone?”

She looked horrified at his assumption. “No, no, nothing of the sort,” she stated, still avoiding his eyes.

“What happened? Why was it so important for me to meet you immediately? ”

“I found something that–Well, please don’t be angry with me, I did not realise–“ she tried to explain, but it only succeeded in making Keith more confused.

"Allura. What happened?" he asked briskly.

Normally, he wouldn't be so short with her, having been relieved by her acceptance of him after her negative reaction to his Galra heritage but he was physically and mentally exhausted after a long and fruitless search and her evasiveness was starting to frustrate him.

She sighed heavily before replying. “There’s something I think you should see."

More than anything, it was her expression that threw him off. It was sad and guilty? He couldn't figure out why she was upset.

“I would advise you to watch it alone," Allura told him, pressing a tablet into his hands. She  still looked sad as she walked away, like she didn't want to see how he reacted to it. She paused right before the doors, “I’m sorry, Keith."

After she left, he wasted no time walking back to his room.

Frustrated with her cryptic words, he almost just left the tablet on his table for another day. He was exhausted and his bed was like a siren’s call. Ultimately though, his curiosity won out.

What was it that could make Allura so upset upon seeing it and so important that she would insist on him seeing it immediately too?

His question was answered when he powered up the tablet and the first thing he saw were two thumbnails with Shiro’s face on them.

His hands trembled as he gripped the tablet tighter.

Was he really prepared to see this?

No. No, he wasn’t.

He pressed on the first thumbnail anyway.

The thumbnail enlarged, taking up the entire screen. Keith's eyes traced over Shiro's face hungrily.

“I'm Shiro, Paladin of the Black Lion and leader of Voltron.”

Shiro’s face and voice were just the same as they ever were, and for a second, Keith saw the image from the video in front of him superimposed by the picture of Shiro that had begun circulating after Pilot Error.

That image flickered and he saw Shiro as he was now, white hair and scar included and he forced himself to pay attention. Now wasn't the time to let his emotions get the better of him.

"I used to be a pilot for Galaxy Garrison before we were captured by the Galra and sent to the arena. Somehow, the Garrison never covered what to do when an alien empire kidnaps you on one of your missions. Not very thorough of them, I’d say."

Keith wanted to groan. It was just like Shiro to downplay everything that happened to him like it was just a minor setback in his life and make a joke about it too.

“Thankfully I escaped. I found my team– well, technically, they found  _ me, _ and somehow we ended up fighting against an empire that stretches across most of the universe in 5 mechanical lions that combine to form a giant robot. Apparently when life gives you lions, you make a giant robot man?"

Keith couldn't help but snort at that. He’d missed Shiro’s brand of humour more than he’d thought; other than the morbid kind that came out when he was dying, he could live without that. 

Shiro continued, unknowing of Keith's amusement. "I’m proud of them though. We're a bit of a ragtag group but seeing how much they’ve grown and improved, well, I couldn’t ask for a better team." 

Shiro straightened up in his seat, falling into what Keith liked to call leader-mode.

“Being Black’s paladin is a privilege. The bond between a lion and their paladin is all about trust, and I hope can prove myself worthy of it someday."

Seeing how much Shiro clearly loved the Black Lion, how naturally he’d taken to being a leader, it only made it so much clearer what they were missing now.

“We’ve come so far, and tomorrow we’re taking the next step to ending this war once and for all. So even though I’m worried about what might happen tomorrow, I have hope. ”

Shiro had this ability to draw people in, to make them believe in him. He’d seen it back at the Garrison and he saw it later when Shiro acted as the leader of Voltron. Even the Galra couldn’t change that. Something about him just made you believe in something bigger than yourself.

He made you want to be better than you were.

“A wise man once told me, if you get too worried about what could go wrong, you might miss the chance to do something great.”

Shiro smiled, eyes all but gleaming with trust and belief, and Keith wondered how someone like Shiro could possibly exist.

“So go. Be great."

Seeing this video, it just drove in the fact that their team was missing something essential without Shiro.

He rubbed his thumb over his fisted hand and took a shaky breath. There was still one more video to go.

Clicking on the icon, he waited for Shiro to begin speaking.

”Keith." Shiro's voice lowered to that gentle, private tone he always used when talking to Keith. Of all the things about Shiro Keith never thought he’d miss, hearing the way Shiro said his  _ name  _ hadn’t even made it on the list.

That didn’t stop him from wanting to lean into it.

His gaze was fixed on Shiro, but it was always like that wasn’t it? He’d never stood a chance. 

“Keith– If you’re listening to this–” Shiro faltered for the first time since the videos began, “–if you’re listening to this, I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep my promise after all.” 

Keith had to choke down a sob. Shiro had promised once that he’d never leave Keith, that he’d always come back. It had been broken once after Kerberos, shattering the life Keith had made for himself, only coming back together when he found Shiro in a Garrison containment unit. And now, again, after Keith thought they were finally safe. That this time, he could  protect Shiro. 

It seemed like Shiro was destined to break his promise, and Keith was helpless to break the cycle they were trapped in.

Losing each other, finding, and losing again. Rinse and repeat. The universe did love its patterns after all.

“There are so many things that I want. I want to go home with you. I want you all to be safe. I want this all to be over already. But I have a bad feeling about tomorrow, and if there’s any chance I could save you, I’m going to take it. I never wanted to leave you behind again... I guess it was always meant to end this way.”

No. He would find Shiro. He wouldn’t give up on Shiro, even if it seemed like Shiro had given up on himself.

“I know, I know, you’d hate me saying this, but I’d fight it ok? I’d fight to come back to you.”

If there was anything he could trust, it was Shiro.

“Who would have ever thought we would end up here? This wasn’t how I expected to be going into space with you, but I’m so glad that you’re here with me. You’ve saved me, so many times, and you keep saving me, just by being here."

Shiro laughed wryly.

"How many times are you gonna have to save me before this is over? ”

As many times as it takes, Keith wanted to promise. Every day for the rest of his life if he had to.

Then Shiro tilted his head, and his eyes crinkled as he smiled, and Keith had to swallow around the lump in his throat.

He hadn’t managed to save Shiro yet this time, but he would.

“I like to think that we were always meant to find each other. You said I changed your life, Keith, but I can’t imagine who I’d be without you. ”

It was hard to imagine who he would have been without Shiro too. Shiro had been the one thing he couldn't expect, and he had been the one to change  _ everything. _

"Maybe after all of this is over, we can stay out here, exploring the universe like we’ve always dreamed of. Co-pilots…Partners?” Shiro offered.

A future. Shiro wanted a future with him, even after everything.

"I have so many regrets already, I don’t want this to be one of them.” 

Shiro paused, looking like saying whatever he was going to say was the hardest thing he would ever do.

“I love you. I don't know how long I've loved you, but god, sometimes I feel like I've loved you my whole life. ”

Keith’s heart stopped for a moment before it started beating again twice as fast. Shiro  _ loved _ him.

“If I had to tell you when I realised it though, it must have been when I woke up in your shack, and your face was the first thing I saw, and all I could think of was _‘I'm home’_."

Somehow Shiro had managed to pin down exactly what Keith felt the first time he saw Shiro again, after Kerberos. He’d looked at Shiro and for the first time in over a year, he'd felt like he was finally  _ home. _

“I always wanted to make history, you know? I loved space, but more than that, I wanted to be the one to bring humanity further than they had ever been before. But now…if I had a choice... If there's any way I want to be remembered, I want it to be for loving you."

The screen suddenly blurred and he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. It had been so long since the last time he'd cried that he wasn't sure how to stop anymore.

Tears fell onto the tablet, smearing the screen even more and his grip slackened. It fell to the floor with a thud, and the screen cracked, leaving the image of Shiro smiling frozen forever.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy!!!


End file.
